My favorite part of the day

I have a favorite part of the day. It is a time when everyone else is asleep. It's just me, the remote, the computer, my paint brushes and the cat. I can't help but feel a bit selfish waiting for everyone else to fall asleep and evacuate the living room leaving me to my own devices. It is overwhelming at times with the news crackling thru the TV set and kids chasing the cat and hollaring at Mario and Luigi on the game television in the next room. I can't concentrate with all of the interferance. The noice becomes a constant buzz that is so unsettling that I swear it even blurs my vision at times. I need quiet and solitude in order to connect to that place inside of myself that is creative and intuitive and calm. Sometimes I wonder if I am living the life that I was meant to lead. But then I remember that without challenges and obstacles I get so bored that I tend to get myself into trouble. I need the constant chatter and activity in order to keep my hands and heart from the terrible tempations of boredom and thrill-seeking. The best thrill ride in the universe is the feeling of conquering an obstacle or meeting a challenge head on and coming out the other side "King of the Hill." I work long hours and have loads of mommy guilt for not being there for every milestone. But then again, I turned out just fine and I had a working mother. So, at the very least, maybe they will learn to toughen a bit and not be insecure. I want my boys to be proud of themselves and not be reliant on the encouragement of others. But somehow I have gotten off-track here. (It happens....alot!) I get so anxious for that solitude at the end of the day that I find myself day-dreaming in the middle of the day and having a hard time concentrating. I find myself planning my evening. What will I do tonight with my time? If I do nothing but watch the tube, then I have this terrible guilt the next day because I accomplished nothing. But I am then well-rested for a really late night the following evening. Maybe at some point I will give myself a break and really enjoy my favorite part of the day!