Awesome twister footage!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Spring in the Alley

It's Springtime and tornado alley is moving quickly into the full bloom of it's seasonal awakening. The warm breezes lick the flesh and fragrant blooms drape the bosom of the virgining harvests.

Commissions are slow coming in of late. My never slumbering muse which is within my own mind has fallen hopelessly into a coma. I wish I knew how to wake her. I feel her stirring inside me. She's clawing and screaming to be let out. The ebb and flow of daily dronings are killing the spirit at her heart. A trillion unjust and undeserved attacks on her optimism have rendered her silent. She feeds on pride, thrives on accomplishments and desires the freedom of youth. Stifled by life, and choking on my devices, I'm afraid I may be killing her. I'll miss her if my assassination becomes complete. I need her rage, yearn for her energy and fear the day she breaks free.

Turkey Day Road Trippin'

So a year has passed.....
Likely none of my readers know the significance of this day....
And sharing the reality of some things is not my strongest trait....
I am alive...
I am strong....
I am overcoming....
I am worthwhile....
I AM!!

Because I AM I want to live...
So, I packed my troopers in the car and away we went.  A tank of gas, a map and book full of feel good music CD's.  My boys and I hit the open road...in search of...the road. And we had an amazing adventure this turket day.

I am Thankful for strength, love, freedom, and open road.  I am Thankful for clarity on days like this.  Please enjoy the photos of our little day adventure.

24 hours of Vine charcoal

My hands are black, my cheeks are smudged. It's not much to show for all my toilings, but it's the process I find most calming today. I haven't been terribly productive with regard to artworks lately. No, actually, of late, I seem to be under the illusion that I can write. If ever I wrote what was really on my mind.... my world would stop in it's tracks. SECRETS SUCK!!

My secrets burden my mind, hinder my sleep, and alter my ego. But I'll not take this there.

I've always considered digital alterations/digital creations less than traditional mediums of art. I actually call it cheating. However, after not being happy with my vine charcoal, I imported images of my hot mess into photoshop. Now, this is where my minds eye met the real world. I've attached my meager renderings for the day. My anatomy drawings, facial features..etc. They are freehand with no photo reference, which is how I prefer to work. But sometimes, I just want to create on my own, without visual aid. And here that is.

I think a live nude drawing session might be in my future if I can locate one. Sounds......Fun :)

Midnight Confessions

For reasons that escape my understanding, I am once again compelled to return to this idea. It's a simple idea. I am different. It's a cliche thing to say. Probobable the worst of all cliche's. And yet it's true. When in a crowd, I feel as if I'm the only one who doesn't belong. However, when I relax and trust my instincts within that same crowd, I find that most of it's occupants are warm and most are not malicious. When in small numbers of say one or two companions, aquaintences...etc, I am at ease and converse fluently without much effort. And yet I still have within my mind the idea that my own words will haunt me. After all, knowledge is power. And even the seemingly kind od of spirit will turn that information into a dagger at the precise moment it may benefit them in some way.

I am different in other ways as well. When I stand in the sun, I notice most the shadows that it creates. The subtle tones and hues, warms and colds of it. I see the contrast and the irony that lies in it's wake. It makes the air smell differentlty than that of the moonlit air. And it reminds me that I there will always be a duty that needs tending. Moonlight by contrast, lends a sense of freedom to my spirit. The things that lie hidden by it's selective lightings put my anxieties, and my fears, and my sense of duty toi rest. It's an animal sensation. Almost like being young. When alone in the dark, outdoors in the quiet, secluded from the bustle of fellow man....I am most myself. I am most free, and most comfprtable.

These things cannot be normal. Is it for example, common that when peering into the eyes of another perswon, I feel them? I feel their mood, and I sense danger or shelter. My own instincts are overshadowed by the sensation of someone else's demeener. That's a story for another day. But, an extreme desire to please does make this one of my biggest challenges for which to contend.

I never, ever, ever want to stop learning. My mind is never at rest in this category. There are sleepless nights spent researching a new archealogical theory out of Egypt. Or playing with a new medium, up to my elbows in a muddy mess of clay, paint, or glitter trying to determine if I can make this thing my own. It'sd late for me now as I must rise early in the morning. An adventurous day for me. One which, in sadness, presents a rare opportunity that has escaped my grasp for near a decade. So goodnight for now. I will pot some inkings from one of my sketchbooks tomorrow, or maybe the next day. This is, after all, an art blog.

As for any kindred spirits who may find familiarity in these scrawlings....Please share. Maybe we are all islands unto ourselves. Then again, maybe I'm just nutty and need medication. Either way, I'll not turn away any donors of the chemical nature. Actually, maybe I would.

Sweet dreams! Tomorrow is a new day!

Having Read my Own Blog

Well, having sat and read my own blog, I realize a couple things.

1) I don't know what the hell I'm talking about half the time.
2) I have varying moments of slight genius and total idiocy.
3) I don't care anyway.

So here's another painting of the recent sort.

"Choices on the Day"
Oil on Canvas 16 X 20
$150 (Plus $20 S&H)

A Great accomplishment

One of my favorite renderings to date.

Recent works

Returning to this madness

As the title says, I believe it time to return to this madness. I refer to this as such because, I write, and I type, and I bleed into this corner of cyberdom. I do all of these things, but it has holds no value, no pay-off. Or does it? For the first time ever, and simply due to utter boredom with the project that I have decided to undertake, I looked at my stats for this blog. I have had pageviews with audiences from around the globe. Is this due to a unique talent with regard to my artwork? Do I have a certain literary gift? Or is there a multitude of lonely, bored, "looking for something more" people in the world?

In any case, I think it's time to pick this up again. I have failed in so many aspects of life. I have made wrong turns and the u-turns, while illegal, are possible. Yet pride stops them from gaining occurance. I have begun a new journey it seems. This isn't something on which I decided. It's something I woke to find myself in the midst of. And although I do not know the outcome, I have resigned myself to exploring it completely. It will be littered with paintings, spattered with rantings, and engulfed in my own sense of self. In a nutshell.... I have no idea what it will turn into. But I'm on the path and I'll not hinder the forward motion.

I am entirely jaded with the world. It has burned me, left me in the cold and driven me to chemicals. I don't care. I'm stronger than any of it. And I alone will defeat it. Even if it means taking everything down with me.

As for my art, it will reflect my journey. This, after all, is inevitable. Even if I wanted to hide it, I couldn't. So join me in my newest quest. As for a fresh start, the following is an excerpt from the journals that now accompany my very transport. When poetry and words flood my mind, I write them down... and here is one now.

"In the absense of reason lies truth. And in the absence of truth lies man."

Examples

Hello World!

So I woke up today thinking it was Wednesday. To my dismay, it's only Tuesday. A crushing blow to my evening Outlook. I will have wait another day before I get watch my favorite TV show. But on the bright side it means I will actually get some things done this evening rather than structuring my time around the tube. (Actually TV's don't have tubes anymore.....:D)

I have to call the cable company to fix the TV in my bedroom and the plumbers to fix the pipe that blew out because Louisiana is experiencing an Ice Age. I will have the time to work on my latest project.

The community orchestra has asked me to paint a violin. They also asked a close friend of mine to one. And so the question is, what do I do to make this the most awesomest amazing ingenious spectacle ever to play a note!!

I decided to take a few pages from history and see where that takes me. And so I have begun the task of educating myself on everything orchestra, violin, related useless knowledge and example. The first thing I did is google search images of painted violins. I want mine to be original so I need to know what has already been done. It has to be unique, elegant and reflect a little piece is my love of history. I have already tiger striped the edges because the very first well-known violins were constructed from a type of wood that resembled a tigers coat. I discovered that Albert Einstien played the violin, so this will be incorporated. I know what the layout of an orchestral floor is, so this will be incorporated.

At the end of the day, it looks like rather than accomplishing any physical artwork this evening, I will curl up with my sketchbook, google, and a full cup of coffee. Sounds like heaven to me. I wonder what I will learn tonight!

Public info

It is truly a little scary what you find out about a person just by sitting with the internet for an hour or so. I recently found some usefule information regarding my nieces new step-mother who was causing problems with my neice. Based on this info, my sister was able to secure a victory in the courtroom. Before finding this little nugget of awesomeness, I had completely traced her family tree, found where she had graduated, found marriage licenses for all of her wedding and located where each of her ex husbands currently reside. I even found the records of her home purchase and how much she pays in property taxes.

But more recently I found my mother's half brother. Initially we were looking under the wrong name. His mother had re-married and at some point he took my grandfather's name back. But I didn't know this at first. I couldn't find him, so I began looking for his mother. I found where she had been married four time (or listed herself as having four different names at various points.) One of these may have been a maiden name, but I am not sure. Anywhoo, I ended up finding her obit and in it was listed the person I was looking for, only it showed him as having my grandfather's last name. So......once I began looking for the right name in the last know part of the U.S., it took me all of 2 minutes to locate him. Address, phone number, employment....

So the lesson I have learned is that the web is awesome but may just be the demise of all of us. There is no such thing as privacy anymore. Even if your home phone number is non-published. Even if you no longer have a home phone. At some point you probably did. Or you married and it's public record. Or made someone angry and they blogged about you. Any little thing can lead someone to tracking your butt down.

Admittedly, I have almost 4 years of experience as a bill collector and learned a few tricks. And I also have six years experience researching public records for various reasons. But justy about anyone with little or nothing to start with......they can probably find you.

I'm off topic here on this little art blog. So just to keep my blog on topic....here's a little bone I'll throw.




Kaylie - Oil on canvas (2009)

Christmas

So, I am back from Christmas Break and all I want to do is go back to Omaha! I miss everyone already and I haven't even been gone a week! Loved the snow, loved the Christmas, loved to get hugs from everyone. It was absolute chaos with all the kids running around, but it was awesome for all the cousins to be i the same place at the same time. We got lots of pictures and everyone had a great time! No bickering, no comments, no one had anything negative to say at all! It was amazing, and I can't wait for summer. I think I need another trip back home. But maybe this time without the blizzard keeping everyone apart on the last two days of the trip. Gotta love the midwest.

A Book?

I think I decided to write a book. Actually, I think it was decided long ago. But now seems like as good a time as any to get on the ball. After all, it looks as if the powerball evades me and it would be nice to be heard....er red...er something like that. I wonder if anyone would really like what I could produce. Never know unless I try. All I know is that I have always felt, down to my very core, that I was meant for something great. And it really does feel as if I am living someone elses life at the moment. I can do anything I want. I have always had this philosophy. So the worst that can happen is that I fail. I've failed before and I am sure there will be many more along the way. But why not? I mean there are people who have made their fortunes doing nothing but going clubbing with the right person. At least I will have worked at this! I better get started. Hmmm, fiction or reflection? Non-fiction or drama? Suspense or Childrens? Such a wide variety of genres! Might take me another 10 years just to decide on that! LOL

Deeply Entrenched

On a day like today when the phone is ringing consistently and the mountain of paperwork seems like it may avalanche at any moment, I am thankful for waking up this morning. It's crazy and rushed and chaos reigns. But the clock is on hyper speed and the day ticks by with the ease of breathe. I am focused and energized by the air. The sun is shining and the air is crisp. Winter is coming and the season is ratcheting up to crescendo. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year will be here and gone without the climax it used to bring. The excitement is overshadowed by the weight of making every bow and every word precise. But the reward at the end is the excitement and joy in the faces of my children and the hot cup of coffee brought to me by my husband. And none of it is possible without days like today.

Sometimes

Sometimes a song comes across the airways. It's unique sound is so beautiful that it takes you by surprise and before you know it, your eyes are closed and your breathing is slowed. Your mind races to an amazing place. And then suddenly it's so beautiful, it's unbelievably sad. A rush of heat flushes the cheeks and tears well. An emotional and physical reaction to sounds that transport much in the same way a hollywood production spends millions to accomplish. And yet here, within just a few seconds of sound and clear mind, I have reached that place. But why is the beauty so sad? It must be something within me. A thousand un-answered questions and hundreds of self analytical moments. The song is over and here I sit with my keyboard and my thoughts. A surprise journey as I make my morning plans.

Here we are

Here we are at the edge of time. We stand, sit, run, stare and study the map of how we came to this point. Are we better at this point than if we had chosen to veer left at that last fork? Would it have made a difference? Is any of it really in our control? We can nudge the pitcher of lemonade and it fall to floor. Sticky sweet and glistening on the clean linoleum. Staring back at us with no answers. Cause and effect seems so simple. But what of the choices such as the car we choose to drive, the friends we choose to keep and the emotions we allow to cross our gaze? Cause and effect? So we stare and ponder a little more.

Stormy Day

So it's raining again. As you can tell from my last post, it's been raining on us here for several days. But I like it. I missed my call as a storm chaser. I also as it seems have missed my calling as something other than an office worker. But I digress. I would like to write some additional shtuff. I think someone may be reading it... :)

In the aridness of desert winds lives a creature seldom noticed and never heard. He lives his life with purpose. He never questions why he wakes each day for the soul purpose of completing the very same task that he did just yesterday. At the end of the day when his toiling his done, he is content to have accomplished as much as he could and happy to drift to sleep quickly as he is tired from a long days tasks. Procurement, companionship and security are never promised. The only constant is the drive to yet again complete his duties. But somehow, everything falls into place because nature cradles him. All that he requires to sustain life is provided by the miracle of the empty dunes. Procreation is instinctual and happens with ease. When the time comes to lie his tired weight into his nest for the final time, he has no regrets. There is no fear and no one to mourn his loss. You see no one ever told him that he needs those things. There has never been any of his kind to travel or question or need. There is only the desert and his duty. And that is a life we should all seek. Content, honest, tireless and simple. Thanks for reading.

More ramblings

1. A distraction for the mind or an event to dance the sun around the dial. A place to go or a call to make. A picture to imagine or a poem to write on the pages of pretty paper and lock inside the heart that created it. A time of loathing and moment of clarity. Everything at once, but nothing to motivate. A mangled nest of possibilities lacking direction and composure. Full of promise and short on nerve. The fog of chemical fed by the pleasure of silencing the internal chatter. The curse of femininity and the weight of modern expectations.

One questions stands at the cusp and begs an answer.

Who will help any one of find a path when nary a soul can find themselves?

2. Questions to transport you. - Have you ever gazed into the black of an approaching storm? Could you smell the moisture from a thousand mountain sunrises? Did your hair stand on end as the breeze washed electricity through your entire body? Have you stood in the open and dared the stampeding giant to come for you? Can you close your eyes and imagine the heaviness of the air? Can you feel the power of the thunder beneath your feet? Have you experienced the sensation of the leading downdraft as it washes the land with a million tiny particles of moisture from the farthest reaches to the soil beneath you? Have you ever posed yourself in the path of it in order to prove that you are mighty? Do you imagine that you are alone? Can you see the curtain of rain aproaching? Do you remain solid in your stance daring the beast to show itself? Can you feel the updrafts as they urge you now closer to the blackness? Does the pressure now matte the once up-right strands on your arms and neck down with humid force? Do you remain yet stagnant in pose as if in silent protest to the closening madness? Can you now smell the presence of debris from those who stood in protest before you? Are you able to now see the widening funnel as it licks the landscape in paralizing form? Are you still there? RUN BITCH WHAT THE FUCK!!!

Ramblings

At some point along the way, a small child with their heart filled with glee slowly becomes something much different. It creeps in like a misty fog and settles across the heart and into the eyes and seeps out through the infliction in their speech. Before any time at all has passed, the inocence is forgotten. A blur of mindless expectations race across the childs soul. Constant bombardment from every angle tells them they have to be the best, walk a straight line, rid themselves of their own style and conform to the ideality of society else face the coldness of rejection. They must strip themselves of their own uniquness and blend their hopes into an unrecognizable symbiance of what may have been. They wake to the sudden realization that although they are quite young at heart, the drone of time has robbed them of the chance to live spontaneously. How lucky are those that musn't cope with a life of duty, responsibility and obligation. How lucky are those that truly never know the pressure of conforming. How lucky are those that enjoy it. How miserable for the unique child wanting nothing more than a place to shine. Time is a wicked curse upon which many a dream have perished. Hope is a dangerous tool upon which the soul dies. And conformity is the dagger that steals it all.